Will you blow on my dice?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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