how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
