stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
