I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you will always have a special place in my vag
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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