I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
