well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
