Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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