we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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