i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
