Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize