No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
