btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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