i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
