my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
