I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
