can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
