I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize