I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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