Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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