if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
