got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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