I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
