based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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