I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
