the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
