I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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