No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
