somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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