i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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