toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
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in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
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My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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