i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
