Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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