We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize