I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
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Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
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Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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