i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
