I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
