the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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