I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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