Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
