You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
