textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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