I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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