HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
