Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you traded sex for a burrito?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Pooping to opera.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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