omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Sober January is a disaster.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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