i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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