You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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