I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
