Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
