Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
