2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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