a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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