ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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