I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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