I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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