he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
