she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
