Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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