Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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