I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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